Binge eating. What is so great about binge eating? Nothing. Nothing at all. There’s nothing great about feeling overstuffed. The heartburn associated with it is not great. Gas pressures are not awesome. Raised blood pressure because your stomach is trying to digest it is not cool. Burp after painful burp, the anxiety of trapped gas from your hernia, all of it, not amazing at all. So why do it? Why do it?! What’s the fucking point? I had a “bad” week and my weight hasn’t fluctuated, so I figured treating myself was okay.
I ordered pizza and chicken fingers. I had enough thought to order it with olive oil instead of acidic pizza sauce, but that didn’t matter. Why? Because I ate three giant slices, two chicken fingers, two blue cheese containers, and a 24 oz. Starbucks Double Shot Energy drink. That’s another thing. Why the energy drink?! I have cut them out, but during the last couple days, caffeine has made a comeback. This is not cool. Seriously, what’s the comfort in comfort food and binge eating? There is none. None at all. Painfully burping as I type this out is not a good feel. I’m so disappointed in myself. I don’t even know if I am going to throw up or not because of the constant belching.
I must get back on the wagon. I must keep my serving sizes no larger than my fist like I was doing previously. For those who do read this and go off the edge with binge eating or drinking, please work hard to put an end to it. I was able to slow my drinking down tremendously over the last few years. While you may lose friends, you’ll be awake during life and that’s important. This battle against obesity is a life or death battle. I’ve done well to lose nearly 80 pounds, but that’s not the goal. The goal is to lose another 120. The goal is my ideal weight. I’m reaching a point in my life where I must take control and finish the goal. I’m in control of my life and future. I’m switching careers. This is it. The mindset needs to change right now. I’m tired of giving in to my erratic behavior. It’s self-destructing. The problem is that I know better. I’ve been around athletes, health gurus, and trainers my whole life. I was once pursing kinesiology.
I just can’t believe how much pain I’m in. I can’t believe how stressed out I am over this. This whole instance was avoidable. Totally avoidable. Remember this folks, if you’re unhealthy, big-boned, addicted to something, or binge recklessly, you can change. You really can. It has to come from upstairs. Make the change. It’s worth it. K, I’m done.